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I'm sorry haven't been around. the computer got a bad virus and the only one I could use was my mother's work computer which means no LJ... sorry all! I'll try to be around more often now


Sorry I've been away for so long... I haven't even read the past entries :( I think at this point it's too difficult to go back and read all of them... Did I miss anything? please let me know and I'll find the entry in your journal :)



Dear Sister,

Thank you so very much for outing me to mom. No, really, thank you for saving me the trouble of telling them myself. Also, thank you for telling mom about my boyfriend that I wasn't ready to tell her about yet. Nor was I ready to tell her about my gayness. But, thanks for making things more awkward when I DO tell her.

Dear Mother,

My gayness is not 'just a phase'. I have pretty much known I was gay since before I even KNEW what it was. Not to mention the fact that I have been with my boyfriend for nearly a year now and do not have plans of that changing anytime soon.




Misery loves Company...

...Company loves more
More loves everybody else
But Hell is others...

As all of you (or some of you) may (or may not) know, I have been unemployed for over a year now. I've had a bit of money that has lasted me this long, but now, I have less than zero. I am in debt from a credit card, I have -$49.18 in my checking account, I have student loan debts... there's probably more that I'm suppressing or something. I have never felt completely hopeless til now... it took me a little while before I could figure out what the feeling was, it just felt like I had been stabbed in the stomach and had my belly filled with icy water... once I figured out what the feeling was, I felt even worse. I am to the point that I don't even want to fill out applications anymore. I'm tired of the rejections. Today I was rejected for a janitorial job... if I can't even be a fucking janitor, what the hell can I be? I feel awful right now and I just don't know what to do... my parents are no help, they just say, "well, you need a job" like, no shit? I do? I had no clue...

"Pray for me
If you want to
Pray for me
If you care
Pray for me
If you want to
Pray for me
If you dare"

I dunno

So, one of my best friends is turning 21 this Wednesday... My sister is planning this big thing with going to some bars and dinner and just...yeah. but, for my 21st birthday I got to go to dinner with my family, not even where I wanted to go, and with family I don't even really like. Then, a week later I went to a bar with Kira and her friends... a sports bar... bleh. My sixteenth birthday? nothing. eighteenth? nothing. twenty-first? nothing. next big birthday at thirty or forty? probably nothing. I even tried having a big thing for my nineteenth birthday that I paid for, decorated for, etc. and then everyone who came ended up getting high while there. I don't like feeling resentful towards my family and especially my friends... but I do. I can't really help it. I try to not care about my birthday anymore because they always turn out shitty. bleh. whatever.

Strange nights

I had a strange dream last night...

I was in a small town somewhere, sitting on a bench across from some houses, a cute and nice looking guy with curly red hair comes and sits next to me. We sit there in silence for a while and he leans over and kisses me on the lips, so soft and sweet... tongues barely touching... before he pulled away leaving me slightly stunned with my mouth slightly open, he reaches over and closes my mouth and just sits there and we look at each other for a bit before we hear some people arguing and I look over and it's some teenagers fighting so I go over there and break up the kids and the start hitting me, so I somehow beat them all down (very unlike me) and then I look down and notice two tiny drops of bright red blood on my hand... when I look up the guy I had kissed was walking away from me so I pick up my bag and start heading out of the town but I keep seeing him and he continues to avoid me.... with another guy...I felt hurt and sad, but there was nothing I could really do about it so I continued to leave... that's when Amanda called and woke me up...

I've been thinking about it all day... I keep thinking about the kiss and the drops of blood on my hand. those are the most vivid things in my mind.

Here we go Again!

Time for another Edition of "What is Travis Listening To? (Musical Edition)"

First of all, here's the Tony Performance of "You Don't Know" from Next to Normal

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we had a sudden rainstorm and it resulted in a really lovely rainbow... so I took pictures!

Rainbow over Barn

Rainbow over the barn in my backyard... I think it has an almost surreal feel to it, but kinda not.

Somewhere over the.... barn?Collapse )
Snicked from ghstlght74

1. Comment with anything that you want to see of my real life.
2. I will post photographs of the requested items/people/places.

(no guarantees on getting pics if you request nekkid ones. I'd suggest avoiding them)


Here we have a new edition of "What has Travis been listening to?" well... here we go!

First off, we have The Vincent Black Shadow with their song Metro!

More after this cut!Collapse )


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April 2010



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